Little Moments of Life

I have been thinking a lot about needing to recognize and remember the little things instead of focusing on the things that are mundane or difficult. So I plan to capture thise little moments more often here.

It is easy to think I just need to wait for the time when I can be "me" again - do the things I like to do, have a little quiet time, etc. But then I have realized that this misses the whole point. The point of this life, of being a mom, of having a family, is not to just add something to the checklist of what makes me happy, while trying to find ways to be "me" and finding "me time".

The purpose is for "me" to change. I don't mean we shouldn't take time for ourselves or focus on our own growth. I mean that all my time should be about fostering a new and better me, rather than protecting the territory of my current me. I need to become more, and these are the moments for me to do that. Now is when it is hard and now is the time to grow. Because surviving until I can be "me" turns all of life into a storm to be survived rather than a mountain to climb and transform us.

I love this quote from the latest General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of LatterDay Saints:

Once this man decided—once any of us conclude—“That’s just the way I am,” we give up our ability to change. We might as well raise the white flag, put down our weapons, concede the battle, and just surrender—any prospect of winning is lost. While some of us may think that does not describe us, perhaps every one of us demonstrates by at least one or two bad habits, “That’s just the way I am.”
Well, we meet in this priesthood meeting because who we are is not who we can become. We meet here tonight in the name of Jesus Christ. We meet with the confidence that His Atonement gives every one of us—no matter our weaknesses, our frailties, our addictions—the ability to change. We meet with the hope that our future, no matter our history, can be better.

So here is to finding and taking advantage of the little moments . . . Wish me luck!

Time to Emerge from the Cocoon

So I realize that I haven't posted on this blog since last August . . . aargh!  Well, I have a very good reason for that - mainly being pregnancy. Pick whatever symptom of pregnancy you want and that's the one I'll blame.

So what has happened in the last nine months?  Here's my brief summary of each month:

September - A month of birthdays! Pete and I got older and Blake turned 1. It already seems like forever ago. Of course - Blake's appetite held strong as he demolished the whole piece of cake we gave him with surprisingly little crumbs left over for a one year old.

October - December: The rest of September and the holidays were somewhat of a nauseous blur as I was more sick with this pregnancy than the last. But it was fun to finally see family at Christmas and to feel that there was a light at the end of the tunnel of the sickness. And we found out that we would be having a girl!  Blake also just exploded with his vocabulary and talking. He loves to repeat everything and is amazing how he understands the words quickly.

January - February: These were the getting better months where I was also determined to not gain all the weight I did last time. So our days were chase Blake around while there was snow outside and workout while he napped. Oh - and I probably still ate like a pregnant lady too :)

March: My sister Juliana got married and I started to feel big. It was awesome to go to my sister's wedding and see all the family. When I got home, March quickly turned into the month of stomach viruses and colds that knocked us out one by one. Helping an 18 month old try to learn how to deal with throwing up and feeling icky can be a challenge!

April:  Trying not to count down the days yet. I actually felt pretty good this month and we were able to do some fun things and to start to get outside. he LOOOOVES to go to the park and run around and play. He has been working on learning to jump for a while and finally started to do it everywhere - which means he has also learned that there can be consequences with jumping too high when something is above you.  He also loves music and dancing and loves to play the keyboard and dance to the music. And, of course, he is a techie and loves to sit and play his games on the smartphone.

Here are some videos of him jumping, playing the keyboard / dancing and playing his games:

May: So now we are in surviving until baby girl decides to come mode. I have gotten some sciatica the last few weeks and am trying to not just give up and eat lots of comfort food since I can't do anything. But - only a couple weeks left and hopefully she will be more excited about coming into the world than Blake was.

What else?? Pete has changed positions at work and is spending some time at a plant right now. Blake just keeps doing more - which is a blessing but also means he is starting to get that smile and laugh when he is about to do something he knows he shouldn't. Oh well - he loves to be "a good helper" so maybe that will help when she arrives.

So, all in all, we are ready to emerge from the cocoon - of winter, of being lost to the world, and most especially for baby girl Cannon, just coming into the world. We will keep you updated on how this emergence goes! :)

Sharing Our Lives

So, this is one of the reasons I love having a porch to sit on in the Michigan summer.

I have been thinking a lot about sharing lately. How do i teach Blake to share? Why is it hard to share? What does it mean to share?

So, if you start with the dictionary, it has a couple of definitions that present a dilemma:

1. To divide and parcel out in shares; apportion.

2. To participate in, use, enjoy, or experience jointly or in turns.

The more I think about it, the more it seems that our difficulty with sharing comes from which definition we use.

The first definition seems to be based on the assumption that if I have something, you cannot have it.  What's mine is mine and what's yours is yours.  If I have less, you have more.  Sometimes it seems like this is what a child struggles with the most in sharing; once someone else picks up a toy, that means that I can't use it (even if I was playing with a different toy).  It's this restriction on the ability to use it that is so difficult to understand and accept.  Of course, this might be the difficulty for us as adults, too.  Do we struggle with other people asking us to do things because this means that we can't use the time for what we want to use it for? Do we envy the status or attention that others get because it means that we can't have that status or attention? Do we focus on the "fairness" of responsibilities, trials, resources, etc that seem to be spread out amongst those that we know?  Do others do things that affect our ability to be happy and feel loved?

It seems like our culture teaches us to be concerned with the fairness of our "share". Do the work and you'll get good grades.  Work hard and you'll achieve the "American Dream".  Perform well and you'll get promotions.  Obey the commandments and you will prosper.

Lately I've been realizing more and more that our definition and understanding of sharing is inextricably linked to our understanding of that last one: "obey and prosper".

The second definition brings up a few things that I have recently recognized. Sharing can be participating, using, enjoying and experiencing something TOGETHER with someone else.  If I view sharing as sharing experience and life with someone, my perspective and behaviors change.  Instead of focusing on what others do that limits or affects my share of happiness or experience, I can focus on how I am creating experience with those around me.  For example, we have lots of conversations that go something like this:

ME: It's just that when you did that, I felt . . . .
OTHER: Well I didn't mean to make you feel that. I was just thinking . . .
ME: I know, but it still made me feel . . .

Sometimes it seems we go round and round in expressing and/or venting how we feel.  And even done lovingly, it hasn't always seemed productive other than for letting go of hurt feelings.  But it hasn't created something different.  Maybe this is because in this case my sharing was for the purpose of telling someone they hurt my ability to be happy and to not do it again.

This doesn't always work because we are different people and our preferences are different. With different preferences, the view of sharing that says we take turns seems to suggest that we take turns being happy and being hurt.

But if I focus on creating experience and sharing experience with someone, it changes the way the conversation could go:

ME: It's just that when you did that, I felt . . .
OTHER: Well I didn't mean to make you feel that.  I was just thinking . . .
ME: So how can we do it differently?  You want X and sometimes I need Y, so is there a way to do both?

Without fail, it leads to changes of behavior for both of us.  Now, it's tempting to say that we are really not getting what we want or getting our SHARE of happiness.  But, what I've found is that our new behaviors lead us to an INCREASED SHARE of happiness together versus the same old SHARE of happiness we had alone.  That doesn't mean it's easy.  But, vale la pena.

OK, so this has turned into a little bit of behavioral theory.  What do you expect?

In the end, it changes the way I view sharing and the way I understand "obey and prosper".  Prosperity becomes more of who I am and what I have together with someone else, rather than what is mine alone.  And sharing experience, sharing life and creating more through that sharing becomes the way to get there.  Maybe that is why the two great commandments are to love God and to love others.

Because love is really what needs to be at the heart of sharing.  I guess that's what I need to teach Blake and to live myself.  Let's share our lives together!

Intentional Teaching . . . and Learning

What with Blake getting a lot more independent and wanting to test boundaries lately, as well as understanding a lot more of what is going on, I've been thinking a lot more about how to teach him and make sure he learns what we want him to learn.  I know we'll make mistakes, and he'll recover from them, but I've also realized more recently how intentional teaching and raising kids needs to be sometimes.

What do I mean by that?  Well, growing up it always just seemed like all the things we learned (work, discipline, how to behave, service, dos and don'ts) just kind of happened in the course of life.  And, for me as a kid, that is how it happened.  Learning and trying things out was part of what I did every day.  But I never fully appreciated what things were catalysts in that learning.  It didn't just happen as part of keeping us alive (although keeping me out of the emergency room was a full-time job).  You have to know what you want to teach and recognize the opportunities for teaching in order to ensure learning takes place.  Of course, example is the biggest opportunity for learning.

Now, though, I realize how hard it can be to not only 1) identify everything you want your kids to learn (as well as recognizing the likely order and progression of that learning) but 2) identify and recognize opportunities and methods for teaching those things.  Right now I have a list of about 20 major life lessons we'd like him to learn (no pressure).  I realize that I am probably magnifying the problem by thinking about all the things that I want Blake to learn in his life when he barely knows what the word "ball" means, but we'll ignore that related issue for the moment ;) The point is, how do I create a mindset where we are together identifying what we want them to learn and the current opportunities to teach it?

Like most things, I think it is a change of habit and mindset.  Learning, and being intentional about learning, is something you learn to do through formal and informal education.  Some learn to be lifelong learners more so than others, depending on how intentional they are about learning.  Intentional learning requires both identification and recognition of potential learning sources and opportunities (informal and formal).  For example, do I learn something new or have a question and then go find the answer or start studying something new just because I'm interested?

For me, learning has become a habit.  I learn something and ask questions, take time to think about what it means, if it's important and how it relates to my life.

I think intentional teaching in our family will be similar.  I need to find the habits that make it part of our family life, and always have the desire to teach so that I recognize opportunities for example, for experience and for sharing.

What about you?  Have you found ways to make teaching intentional and a habit in your family's life?

Meet the Cannons!

So this last week we went out to Wyoming to visit the Cannons. For everyone except Grandma Cannon, it was the first time meeting Blake.  I wasn't quite sure how he would react to 10+ new people all week, plus the travel time to get there.  Of course, it being the first time we flew with Blake, it took us 24 hours to get to Worland when it was supposed to take 7.  We got up at 5:30 to get ready and leave for the airport by 6:30. But when I went online to check us in, it showed the flight delayed until 11 AM due to mechanical failure.  We decided to wait until about 8:30 to leave and got to the gate at 9:30 in case something changed earlier than they thought.  As soon as we went up to the gate to talk to the attendant, he got a call saying the plane was fixed. So they had to round up the crew and passengers, which was about 11 before that happened.  We boarded and sat the for a bit until they told us there was a warning light on and the mechanic was going to investigate.  Eventually they deplaned us and told us they weren't sure how long it would take.  By that time it was 1:30 PM and we had been at the airport 20 minutes from home for 4 hours. So, we decided to take the advice of the gate attendant and get rebooked through Chicago in order to catch the last connection from Minneapolis to Billings at 10 PM.

We finally got to Chicago (it was good to leave Detroit even if it was only a facade of progress) and then Minneapolis.  Blake had done amazingly well all day, although he hadn't really napped at all with all the distractions and people to talk to.  Finally in Minneapolis we boarded a plane to Billings, and Blake crashed, exhausted.  Getting into Billings after 11 PM, we stayed at family's house and drove to Worland the next morning.

But, it was all worth it!  Blake had a ball with all the new people and loved going from one to another, getting undivided attention.  Apparently he takes more after me than Pete, since he made friends with everyone and was making friends on the planes, too.  I'm just afraid he's going to be bored this week with just me!

Our niece Maggie painted an awesome mural while we were there and the cousins all took a photo in front of it.

Thanks to all the Cannons for a great trip to Wyoming!!

Creating What???

So I have been thinking a lot lately about what type of creation this new phase of my life is supposed to be. I love the video based on Pres Uchtdorf's talk about creating (below)

What Do I "Deserve"?

So, why is it that we are always so preoccupied with what we "deserve"? For me, it seems like it is especially the case the more time in my life that was spent in working towards various goals. Getting an MBA was supposed to result in a specific type of life . . . Performing well at work brought reward and recognition . . . Trying to be good and serve is supposed to bring joy and blessings. I think we (and I, specifically), get caught up sometimes in what is "fair" and what we "deserve". Maybe our culture has taught us that hard work brings our dreams and what we deserve.

Now don't get me wrong. I believe in working hard. I believe that we need to set goals and that anything is possible. But lately I have realized that sometimes the reward comes in the continual struggle towards a goal; in persisting with hope even when there is no reward in the immediate future. This, I think, is when we learn true humility, faith and hope. This is when we become more like Christ because we don't do what we do for the "just reward" but because it is right, or because it is hard and will make us stronger or because it is simply what God asks us to do.

My life has transitioned to one without the feedback and recognition that it has had for the last 20 years. But as I learn humility and faith in many ways, I think learning to act out of love and to trust in the journey will become ever more prevalent in my life. I love Elder Holland's talk on the parable of the laborers in the vineyard ( http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-laborers-in-the-vineyard?lang=eng ) The laborers were so caught up in what they deserved that many failed to recognize two key things:

1. We can deserve nothing of ourselves. Without the Lord and the mercy of His Atonement we would all be left with nothing. All that we have is a gift.
2. It is never too late to seek His help in the struggle of our lives.

I have so much and deserve so little. Hopefully I can remember that in the midst of my days.