What Do I "Deserve"?

So, why is it that we are always so preoccupied with what we "deserve"? For me, it seems like it is especially the case the more time in my life that was spent in working towards various goals. Getting an MBA was supposed to result in a specific type of life . . . Performing well at work brought reward and recognition . . . Trying to be good and serve is supposed to bring joy and blessings. I think we (and I, specifically), get caught up sometimes in what is "fair" and what we "deserve". Maybe our culture has taught us that hard work brings our dreams and what we deserve.

Now don't get me wrong. I believe in working hard. I believe that we need to set goals and that anything is possible. But lately I have realized that sometimes the reward comes in the continual struggle towards a goal; in persisting with hope even when there is no reward in the immediate future. This, I think, is when we learn true humility, faith and hope. This is when we become more like Christ because we don't do what we do for the "just reward" but because it is right, or because it is hard and will make us stronger or because it is simply what God asks us to do.

My life has transitioned to one without the feedback and recognition that it has had for the last 20 years. But as I learn humility and faith in many ways, I think learning to act out of love and to trust in the journey will become ever more prevalent in my life. I love Elder Holland's talk on the parable of the laborers in the vineyard ( http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/the-laborers-in-the-vineyard?lang=eng ) The laborers were so caught up in what they deserved that many failed to recognize two key things:

1. We can deserve nothing of ourselves. Without the Lord and the mercy of His Atonement we would all be left with nothing. All that we have is a gift.
2. It is never too late to seek His help in the struggle of our lives.

I have so much and deserve so little. Hopefully I can remember that in the midst of my days.