A New Season

I swear I have an "I'm starting again" blog post about every six months or so . . . . I really need to be better at this.

Lately I've been thinking about new seasons in life. During the school years it seemed that new beginnings were a constant companion - starting a new semester, a new paper, a new group, etc. Then, this sense of constant renewal seemed to be lost for a while when "real life" hit.

The beauty of this change, though, is in what it's taught me about repentance and the Atonement. Growing up, it seemed that the focus was always on starting over again, clean. And yes, the Atonement has an incredible cleansing power. But it is not just like an eraser. Instead, it is a power that cleanses and purifies with depth, rather than starting you over every time. Let me explain what I mean.

When I thought of the Atonement as simply a means to start anew again, it was easy to become frustrated with all the frequency of times I needed the cleansing power of the Savior. It put too much emphasis on getting rid of the bad, rather than the empowering power of the Atonement. Instead, the true power that I have found is that the Atonement creates depth of sanctification, not just surface cleansing. Not having a new beginning is alright because life is a series of moments when we can decide to submit ourselves to the Lord and be cleansed, in a deeper way each time if we allow ourselves to endure and continue to learn the extent to which Christ is the foundation of our lives and purpose here.

In reality, then, a new season is created when I allow the Lord to increase the depth of His reach into my life. It is new not because the surface is renewed, but because the heart, the center of the soul, is changed.

Not sure if this makes complete sense to anyone else, but expressing the way that the Lord has changed and continues to change my life is always difficult. Amazing grace cannot begin to explain it . . .

Time Flies

Wow - time flies when you are having fun . . . I realized the other day that I have not posted since March . . . which oh so nicely coincides with when I started my PhD program! Guess I figured out what things have fallen by the wayside.

So, for those who don't know, I started a PhD in Organizational Psychology, specifically in Organizational Systems, at a specialty humanistic psychology program in California called Saybrook University ( www.saybrook.edu ). The majority of the students are in PsyD or MFT programs, but there is a group of us that focus on Org Psychology, all from various backgrounds but who have come to the place of wanting to help empower organizations or groups of people to really achieve their potential. Organizational systems focuses on understanding and helping people to understand how to work within the dynamics of behavior within groups and organizations such that individuals and groups can make choices about what they want that group to be.

Right now I am moving towards a dissertation on conscious evolution of societies and organizations. In other words - what enables people to not only evolve as a reaction to changes in the environment, but to anticipate the systemic interactions and the impact of their own choices, thus being able to more consciously choose what they as a group will evolve into, rather than just letting evolution happen.

Anyway, life has been pretty crazy with work, school and coaching. I did take a season off of coaching with softball, but have still had some open gyms and various things with basketball. In fact, this weekend we head to team camp at Notre Dame - a weekend with 15 high school girls promises some great stories!!

Other than that, I've also decided that I really need to get in shape and I have started a training plan for a half-marathon at Mackinac Island in October. Mackinac is beautiful and I figured if I signed up for a half-marathon I'd actually be forced to train, so here we go! Other than that, still playing ball in a very competitive league in Northville - most of the girls played college ball and are about 22-23, so I feel older every time I play - but it's fun to play against that level of competition again!

Well, lots of other small things going on, but that's the major recap. It's just amazing to know that the Lord is by my side through all this and to feel some of the burden of worry lifted in the troubles of Michigan simply by knowing that I am where I am supposed to be. Of course, He may have more surprises in store for me, but I can't worry about that now!

Laugh and Live

You know, when I look back at all the pictures from when I was a kid, it seems I'm always cheesing it (see left for an example). I loved to laugh, and I once had someone from my home ward describe it as I "always had a mischievious twinkle in my eye". Not that I did anything bad . . . noooooooooo, I was a perfect angel :)

But sometimes I think I make a choice not to laugh, or not to enjoy the moments in life. For whatever reason, I get focused on completing a task, or worry about where life is going, etc.

I re-learned how to be happy and enjoy the moments on my mission . . . I had to choose to see the joyful moments to get through the hard. I think the last few years it has faded a little as I spend so much of my time working in a company trying to reinvent itself. Don't get me wrong, I still have plenty of moments of laughter and joy, but I think I limit myself sometimes.

So, from here on out, my goal is to bring on the laughter!

Energy Investment (no, not fuel-cells)

So, I've been reminded of some ideas I've had about energy and how we invest our energy in our lives lately. Today I was reading in Helaman 14:
31 He hath given unto you that ye might ^aknow good from evil, and he hath given unto you that ye might ^bchoose life or death; and ye can do good and be ^crestored unto that which is good, or have that which is good restored unto you; or ye can do evil, and have that which is evil restored unto you.

We know that we can only be restored to that which is in our hearts, either good or evil - but we can choose to manager whether we invest energy and our hearts into things that are good or best as well. Sometimes the hardest thing is knowing what things are truly the best for you to do in order to learn who God is and how to become like Him, because that's the purpose of this life.

In grad school I got these ideas about energy, and how energy really comes not just from within us, but is created by the relationships to other people as well as the things we do. I also came across this lecture on managing our energy, not our time:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tke6X2eME3c

It's kinda long, but there are some good ideas about managing our energy level and what we invest in. I extend some of these ideas that it's not just about managing the activities, but how we do the activities. I can just spend time with my nieces and nephews and get annoyed, or I can choose to really understand what's going on with them and build our relationship. One gives energy, while the other saps it.

I guess overall it's just a reminder that we are what we give to others and what we create with them, including our Father.

Update Time

OK - so I have really slacked on my blog recently. I have just been tired getting home late from practice or games with my basketball team. Actually, it's been interesting to see how much of the energy I get from coaching really comes from the relationship with the girls, and their ability to progress. When they get discouraged, it affects me and I want them to see so much the potential that they have. So I am a little tired and although I will be sad to see this season end, it will be good to recharge by doing some other things.

Speaking of other things, there's plenty on the horizon. In about 2 weeks I start my PhD with a conference out in San Francisco. Kinda crazy, and I feel like I'm going out there by doing a PhD while working and taking out some loans to help cover tuition. Why would I want to do this? Well, it will help me be flexible and do some things i want to do like: small business/non-profit consulting, teaching, writing a book, etc. Plus, I love to take the time to learn. Sometimes we get so caught up in everything, when the purpose of being here is to learn all we can . . . it's so easy to forget and lose sight of that. For me, learning has always been a process of stepping back, almost reaching out with my mind and soul to understand and feel the essence of the world around me. I know, that might sound kind of hokey, but it's the best way i can think of to describe it.

Besides the PhD, I will be participating and exercising my creative juices with the Hill Street ward activities committee. Apparently someone thought I was inactive and needed to be encouraged to go to more activities. I tried to tell them that I've just been coaching for the past 4 months, but that didn't work. So, if you have any bright ideas of the best singles activity you've ever been to, let me know!!

Well, it's getting kinda late and I need my beauty sleep (especially because I think I'm getting a gray hair . . . aaaaggggghhh!). Hopefully the slacking doesn't continue for long!

Christmas Letter

I decided to write a Christmas letter at the last minute, so I am hoping that through email and posting it here, I will be able to touch all my family and friends. Know that I love you and always remember you, no matter where you are.

Christmas Letter

Faith and Love

So, this past week the Michigan high school girls basketball season kicked off with tryouts. I am assisting with the varsity team, which only won 4 games last year, so we have a lot of work to do.

I have been trying to figure out what approach will really get the girls on track and motivated to move forward. We do have some potential and can really do some good things, but we need to establish determination and team work ethic where we will do more as a team than individually.

As I've thought about why they have struggled, it came to a place I didn't quite expect at first . . . faith. What place does faith have in sports? Is it the hail mary pass? Or teammates holding hands at the shot goes up at the buzzer? Actually, I think our team is kind of a microcosm of the struggles of life. So let me explain . . .

The seniors on this team have been through 5 coaches in 4 years (yes, 5). Their 4 win season last year was not out of the ordinary and their coaches keep leaving for "something better". So I can get frustrated when they do not want to work hard or don't think that they can change their shot, or the way they play. But then I think about if I were in their shoes . . . no one has demonstrated that if they do something a certain way, they will succeed. Each coach brings a different "way" and they continually see the same result. So they don't have faith in the "way" because they haven't seen the fruits.

This led me to think about my own life and what makes me have faith and move forward when I am not sure of the "way" that I'm taking. Ultimately, it comes down to faith in God. OK, I thought, so I need to reinforce that if they listen to what we are teaching, that they will become better? That didn't seem likely to get a great reception with the past history. So, what then?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that even more powerful than my faith in the fact that God is all=powerful, omniscient, omnipresent, etc is my faith in His love. Now, this isn't to take away from the fact that God knows all, but I don't place my faith in Him simply because He knows all - I place faith in Him because I know He loves me perfectly. I could not place myself in the hands of someone who knows all unless I also knew that they loved me, otherwise how do I know that they are being honest and looking out for my welfare?

So, the faith that we need to develop in these girls is their faith in our love for them. I wonder how much time I actually spend developing my friends and family's faith in my love for them? And how much stronger and trusting would my relationships be if I did so? Anyway, I think this is the only thing that will change things for the team. They've never seen someone truly care about them, and yet it is the only thing that will open their eyes to believe that they can be more and to see what we see in their potential. So my goal the next month is to really develop their faith in how much we care for them as a team, as athletes and as people.

We'll see how it ends up . . . but it amazes me the increasing faith that they have put in us already, ready to trust us more than we have merited on our own given their history.