What a Year!!

So I can't believe it has been more than a year. This year has been a little crazy . . . being pregnant and having a baby, building a house, moving, traveling to see family . . . and I just now feel like we can start to get things a little back to "normal".

What stands out to me the most is how blessed we are, how blessed I am.  Even with things being crazy, with me losing patience and not being the mom I want to be always, even through all of that there are so many things to be grateful for but these stand out:

• Getting through it with my best friend - he puts up with me so well.
• The smiles of my kids when I see them in the morning. 
• Having somewhere to be safe, protected and at peace - wherever that may be.
• Being able to find answers and get through struggles in prayer.

It seems like no matter what is going on or what life throws at me, everything always boils down to love, patience and humility.  When I get worked up about something, it is usually because I am failing to see it as the other person does, because I want to get my way, or because I don't want to wait.  Basically, I am still like my 4 year old!  We put fancy words around it and justify our rationale all we want, but many times our struggles still come back to not wanting to wait to get what we want when we want.

So I am grateful for all the people in my life who help me to continue to learn how to love, how to see others and myself, and to still love with all my heart despite perceived failings (mine and theirs).  We are all walking down the path together, at different paces and with different struggles. We all have moments where we need a hand or shoulder to lean on and we all have those whom we can lift up at any given moment.

I am trying to remember that I can always look up and help, regardless of my struggles, there is a way to affect my family and my friends for the better. Sometimes it is by enduring well, sometimes by saying hi, sometimes by taking a load. Every day has endless possibilities!!!

Little Moments - I Am a Child of God

Ever since they were born, I have sung the same song to my kids every day: "I Am a Child of God".

If there is anything that I want my kids to know about who they are, it is found in these words:

I am a child of God and he has sent me here
Has given me an earthly home
With parents kind and dear
Lead me guide me walk beside me
Help me find the way
Teach me all that I must do to live with Him someday

I love the little moments when we have a chance to see and remember that we are truly children of a God that is real. To show my children that He is not just a character in a book, but a father who knows them personally and will help them no matter what they need.

That is my greatest wish: that they know our Father loves them and sees them even in the darkness of the night when they feel alone and will provide the strength they need.

Letting Them Live

Have you had that moment when you realize that you can't "manage" your child's life? When you realize that the time for doing stuff for them is coming to an end and a lifetime of teaching and listening and hoping and praying that they remember is starting?

It can feel hard to be a mom of little ones many times precisely because of all of the physical help they need to get through the day. But it already feels like it passes so quickly Blake tells me to go away and let him do it or when I realize that he will be involved in activities outside of our home more and more in the next few years.

So, I am resolving to be grateful when he asks for help. To remember his cheerful "Thanks Mom". To know he is simply trying to take charge of the life that is truly his when this defiant 3 year old says "But I want to do this".

I am grateful for the moments that I can hug and help my kids. I know I will be even more grateful in the years to come when I have let them learn to live well.

Little Moments - New Experiences

There are so many moments that I wonder whether it is worth a lot of pain in order to give my kids the chance to have new experiences. Without fail there are tantrums and protests before and after. But in the middle fall the little moments where they discover sand or a flower ir a pine needle and the world opens a little more to them. So I have to remind myself that it is worth it.

A week ago we went to the lakehouse ny Lake Michigan for a few days. And, as expected, the days were good and the nights difficult. But I know it has been great when Blake can't stop talking about it and asks to go the lakehouse every morning for a week.

We played on the beach, went for bike ride, got lunch and ice cream in town, and did a test run for traveling and sleeping in a new place. Let's just say I am not excited about nights on our next trip.

But it was perfect weather and they loved playing on the deck and outside.

Bring on Wyoming!!

Little Moments 3 - Choices

I am grateful for choices. Although there are many times that I may wish that my kids didn't want to make so many choices, I remind myself how important choices and knowing how to make choices has been to me.

Blake is a kid with opinions and always wants to choose. We have gotten into a pretty good groove where he understood when he couldn't have something. But the last couple months he has expanded the things over which he wants to have control and has developed a sense of negotiation. So we are both relearning how to provide and accept available choices, with plenty of tantrums along the way.

At the same time, Kate has recently begun to realize all the things Blake has or does that she does not have or do. So she now insists on feeding herself as many things as she can and will refuse to eat anything if I do not give her the same thing that Blake or I have.

So although these little moments of tantrums are frustrating, I am grateful for how much they remind me that I do want my kids to learn to make wise choices. And that starts with just giving them choices now.

I am grateful my parents gave me choices. As I famously repeated over and over when I was young after a lesson on choice - "I can choose". Knowing that I have chosen where I am makes it easier when it is hard. Knowing that I chose Pete and that I chose my children leads me to never ask "what if" but simply "how". I can't always choose what comes and I can't choose for my children, no matter how much I may want to. But I have chosen who will will love and who will always be part of me. And that thought is always a little moment that brings me strength.

PS - No documentary pictures of the tantrums this time :)

Little Moments 2 - Sibling Love

Sibling Love

I know sometimes we all have issues and we don't always get along when we are young. But I am grateful that my kids seem to love each other sometimes. I hope they can appreciate each other when they are older like I do my siblings, who are all amazing :)

Little Moments 1

I love that Blake is turning into a precocious little boy . . . Well sometimes I do.

Yesterday we went to a petting farm and fed lots of animals, had some meltdowns, etc. On the way there, I was talking to Blake about what we were going to do. Suddenly he pipes up, "Can we just talk later Mom?". Apparently I was interrupting his staring out the window :)