When you believe that the Lord has a purpose for each of us, it's really easy for life to seem like a neverending series of"big" decisions. Where am I supposed to live? Am I supposed to go back to school? What organizations/programs am I supposed to be involved in? Especially when the one thing that everyone (including yourself, at times) seems to think is "missing" in your life is completely dependent on the people you meet, which is dependent on all of the above.
The moments when that feeling comes is when I have to remind myself that it's all about faith. Not faith that brings some huge miraculous answer in the key moment of decision or faith that allows me to just wait and be happy when the moment comes. The faith I need and that makes me at peace and happy is the faith Jesus commanded us to have when He said "Be not faithless, but believing". This wasn't a faith that you store up to use in the big moments when Christ is resurrected and we have to choose whether to believe. This is the faith that is a state of being, that permeates who we are and how we see the world.
To have this faith I must choose to believe who I am, who my Father is and who Christ is in every moment, in the small decisions and the large ones. The result is the peace of knowing that He will not let us go down the wrong path. The peace of knowing He speaks to us. The peace that He knows me and will enable me to be who I can be.
I don't always have this state of being, but when I'm there it frees me from worrying about where I'll end up or what I'm supposed to do. Not because I stop pondering and listening, but because I know that He will speak to me and I will hear what I need to. This is where the abundant life that He speaks of comes for me. Life is full when I love and trust Him because I know that I'm not alone. Life is full simply because I love.
I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else - it is a feeling and something that I have lived more than analyzed in order to make a model out of it. But for me it is the only way to survive - He is always there, no matter who else is or is not.
1 comment:
Lately I have been thinking about the Saviors invitiation "Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." I think this is related to the feelings and desires for peace that you have expressed. I have been impressed lately that in order to take up the lord's yoke, it is necessary to put our own down. Our burdens can't be lightened until we are willing to let them go.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I love you. Dad.
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